They Aren't Funny pt. 2

“No way,” Binks breathed, pointing toward the center of the big top where several camels were being led around by animal trainers. “People are riding them.”

Randy could hardly believe it, but Binks was right. There were people riding the camels, and they looked like normal people, not circus riders. “I wonder how they got to do that.”

After a moment, Binks pointed to a wooden easel declaring 'Camel Rides. The Best Fifty Cents You Will Ever Spend'. “I thought the freak show was the best fifty cents anyone could spend,” Binks said, rolling his eyes.

Randy laughed. “Well it doesn't matter because we don't have another fifty cents anyway. Come on, let's get closer.”

They worked their way around the crowds of people, skirting some and bumping others earning themselves a 'Hey watch out' and 'Slow down' from some of the adults. Randy and Binks paid no attention; they had much bigger things on their minds.

“Look,” Randy said pointing to several empty front row chairs near the center of the large performing ring. “Can you believe it?” They ran to the seats, nearly knocking a bag of popcorn from the arms of a large woman wearing a white dress with blue flowers.

“You little brats better watch what you're doing,” the large woman yelled after them, regaining her grip on the popcorn. She held the paper bag to her mouth, and using her tongue like an anteater, snagging a fat yellow kernel from the top.

“Sorry,” Randy said over his shoulder, but never slowed. They reached the seats and practically dove into them before anyone else could take advantage of their miracle. To Randy and Binks, finding open front row seats at the circus was like an old prospector finding baseball sized chunk of gold in a mountain stream. Randy couldn't believe how great things were going. He drew in a deep breath, savoring smells some might think offensive. Things just couldn't get any better.

The show soon started and both boys sat mesmerized by the acrobatic feats of the Bambino family and the daring stunts of the high wire and trapeze performers. Randy was glad Binks' mom was wrong about someone falling from the high wire and splattering into the sawdust right before their very eyes, and he couldn't deny the apprehension he felt as the elephants ran around the rings, tails in trunks. The lions and tigers proved to be as exciting as they had hoped and Randy almost closed his eyes when The Great Charlie Bell actually stuck his head in the open mouth of a lion.

“Holy crap! Did you see that?” Binks asked, looking at Randy. His eyes were wide with wonderment, yet painted around the edges with a touch of apprehension.

“Heck yes I saw it. It could have bitten his head off with one bite.” Randy felt his heart thumping with exhilaration. In the rings, the lion tamers cracked their whips and the lions obediently ran into their cages.

“I wonder what's next,” Binks asked as they watched the lion cages being rolled out of the rings while The Great Charlie Bell and his family all bowed to the wild applause of the crowd. As if in answer to his question, a loud bang sounded from one corner of the tent causing them to jump from their seats.

The spotlight flashed on, illuminating a miniature white car with large goggling eyes attached to the hood and flapping red ears mounted to the two side doors. Another bang belched from the tailpipe followed by a puff of thick blue smoke, as the car sputtered and popped its way into the large outer ring the announcer referred to as the hippodrome. The car roared around the hippodrome, circling the performing ring, and kicking sawdust into the air. On its second lap, it whipped into the opening where the lion cages were rolled out and skidded to a stop in the center of the ring. A huge bang, the loudest one yet, threw flames from the tailpipe and received wild yells and cheers from the audience.

Randy and Binks looked at each other and frowned. Neither boy was particularly fond of clowns. Randy's nightmare of the white faced clown doll his aunt gave him for his birthday (why anyone would ever get a boy a clown doll for his birthday Randy never knew) jumping from his closet and chewing his throat out while he slept, still woke him up near screams.

“Ladies and gentlemen...” The announcer's voice boomed through the tent. “Please focus your attention to the center ring so I can introduce you to-” The passenger door to the car flew open and a clown wearing a white paper hat and cloth apron covered with dark red stains, jumped out waving what had to be a rubber meat cleaver, but looked all too real to Randy. “The Butcher...” Another clown jumped out waving a large wooded rolling pin in the air. He wore a white chef's hat, puffy white shirt, and matching pants. “The Baker...” Another clown climbed from the car. This one wore nondescript brown leather pants and old fashion sleeping cap with a pink fuzzy ball hanging from its tip. He stood beside the car and looked to be blowing his large red nose when he magically produced a two foot candle from his right nostril. “The Candlestick Maker.” The crowd roared with approval as the Candlestick Maker swung his candlestick through the air then jabbed it into the back of the Baker.

“Were not done yet folks,” the announcer said.

Randy leaned over to Binks. “There is no way all those clowns can be coming out of that car. It's barely big enough to hold one clown, let alone four.” Binks looked at Randy, but said nothing. Another clown climbed out of the passenger door, at which the other three clowns quickly gave chase, all waving their respective accessories menacingly in the air. This clown's face and bald head were completely covered in red paint giving him the appearance of having just suffered an extensive head wound. His shirt and pants were hobo tattered and hobo worn.

“Waldo Baldoooo,” the announcer said, drawing out the 'o' in Baldo. The clowns ran circles around the car to the laughs, hoots, and hollers of the crowd. Baldo was rounding the front of the car and heading to the back when the driver's door flew open, smashing into him and knocking him to the ground. More cheers and applause erupted from the crowd as yet another clown somehow unfolded himself from the driver's seat. This clown was a good six inches taller than the rest and was suited up in a classic clown white jump suit donning baseball sized red puff balls. Small silver bells dangling from his frilled collar flashed in the glare of the spotlight. His cone shaped hat stayed securely in place as he took a deep bow ending with the puff ball on the tip touching the sawdust covered ground. “And last, but not least, Timmy the Ticket.” Three more spotlights swept in, focusing on Ticket as he stood up. He lifted both hands in the air, shooting out long streams of red paper tickets from his billowing sleeves.

“Hey,” Binks gasped, grabbing Randy's arm. “That's the guy that gave us our entry tickets.” But Randy didn't need Binks to tell him that. He knew from the second Timmy the Ticket emerged from the car. The thick white makeup covering his face and beard, which was now braided into a neat cord sporting a red ribbon tied at the end, did change his appearance, but not so much to fool Randy. Red triangles accentuated Ticket's black eyes and even from fifty feet away, Randy could see the way too many teeth gleaming in the spotlight's beam. He felt Ticket's eyes on him and his stomach tightened as he watched him flashing his cannibal's grin while red tickets floated down around him like confetti. “Randy, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I heard you.”

“That's the last guy I would expect to be a clown,” Binks said with a growing look of dismay.

In the center ring, the Butcher, Baker, and Candlestick Maker were all giving Baldo a good beating while he rolled around on the ground trying to avoid their blows. Lowering his arms, Ticket turned to the other clowns. He reached up and squeezed the red ball attached to his nose creating an amplified honking sound. At the sound of the honk, all three clowns stopped whacking Baldo and stood at military like attention, resting their props on their shoulders like weapons. Baldo jumped to his feet, swaying and rubbing his back until Ticket slapped him across the face with a white gloved hand, resulting in Baldo straightening to attention with the other three. The crowd bellowed its approval prompting Ticket to take another bow.

Five minutes into the act, Binks leaned over to Randy and said, “They aren't funny.” Randy nodded his head in silent agreement. No, there was nothing funny about these clowns, nothing at all. A juggling act had commenced in front of them. Ticket circled the other four clowns who were juggling bowling pins, occasionally tossing one to their right where the recipient clown deftly caught it and added it to his own.

Ticket stopped in front of Baldo who was looking up, watching his pins. Ticket looked at the crowd, giving them an exaggerated wink, then promptly jabbed Baldo in eyes with a two fingered eye poke. Baldo yelped and threw a hand to his face. Four of the five juggling pins dropped on his head in successive blows at which a cymbal sounded with each hit. Baldo fell over backwards in time for the fifth pin to drop down like a bomb, hitting him square in the crotch. People howled with laughter. Randy felt something like disgust crawl up his throat and wondered how they could find any of this funny. Something else was crawling on him. He didn't know if was fear or something worse, but he did know he wished he had listened to his mom and dad and never set foot at this circus.

Randy and Binks sat through the rest of the clown show enduring among other things, Butcher backhanding Baker in the face with his meat cleaver drawing a spray of blood; Candlestick Maker swinging his candlestick like a baseball bat, drilling Butcher in the back of the head and sending him face first onto the wooden ring; and Ticket nearly running all of them down with the clown car.

Finally, the clowns all disappeared back into the car with supernatural ease, and it sputtered and banged its way out of the big top giving way to the show's intermission. The crowd stood to its feet, screaming and yelling for more. It was as if the clown show turned the crowd into more of a mob than a gathering of friendly spectators. Randy shuddered, thinking of Mr. Peas' history class where Mr. Peas told them how the crowds in the ancient coliseums fell into what he called a 'blood lust' while watching the Christians being disemboweled by lions.

“You ready to go,” Randy said, standing up. The atmosphere in the big top felt thick and dangerous to a point where Randy could almost feel its poisonous air sticking to his skin.

“You know it,” Binks said jumping to his feet. “I don't want to take a chance those stupid clowns will come back out, plus, it's gonna get dark in about an hour and it will take us that long to get home.”

They walked out of the big top, leaving the peanut eating mob to their own devices. A warm breeze had picked up sending empty popcorn bags and napkins tumbling down the midway in front of them. Randy observed his shadow stretching long and dark and felt the prickle of goose bumps crawling up his arms at the thought of being at this circus after dark.