In-Flight Meal pt. 1

“Oh come on, it’s not even raining! How can there be a two-hour weather delay? There’s no way I can wait that long.” Tony Pace had a decision to make. Should he be shitty or nice about this little set back in his plans? Sometimes nice worked and sometimes shitty did, and Tony had been doing the travel game long enough to know there was a time and place for either method.

He looked close at the US Air agent across the counter. She had short brown hair, was about twenty pounds overweight, had either a huge bug bite or a rather impressive zit on her left temple, and her breath reminded him of raw meat. None of that mattered though; it was always the eyes that told the real story. Tony shifted his gaze from the red bump on the agent’s left temple to her eyes.

It only took a second to know. Shitty it is. It had nothing to do with the color, size or shape of her eyes, it was the fact they were looking over his shoulder and said in a very loud voice she couldn’t give one shit less if he made this flight or any other within the next two weeks.

“Ok, listen. I have been jacked around ” Tony also knew when it was time to start dropping the F bomb, and he wasn’t there yet, “ for the last three hours. Your 'accommodating' airline has seen to it that I have been bumped and delayed to the point where the chance of making the biggest sales call of my life is almost nonexistent. I know for a fact you can get me on another flight that will get me to Chicago tonight.”

Tony was on a roll. Little Ms Ticket agent was getting that most uncomfortable I’ll do anything to get this guy out of my face look. “The only reason you wouldn’t get me on another flight is to try to save a billion dollar company a couple of hundred bucks. Now you can either try to find me another flight or I can stay here and continue to give you my opinion in increasingly higher decibels for as long as it takes for you to be accommodating!”

“Well just wait one minute Mr. Pace. I didn’t say I wasn’t willing to help you.” The agent looked around anxiously apparently to make sure the always curious crowd wasn’t making its way toward the loud voices and out of the ordinary action. Tony noticed what she was doing, and at close to midnight, he didn’t think there would be much chance of a crowd developing even if he decided to drop the ol’ F bomb in large, lavish waves.

“There is one airline that may be able to accommodate you.”

Ah yes, shitty wins again, Tony thought.

“It’s called Dark Flight Airlines. They only offer red-eye flights and sometimes have one or two openings. I’ll call to see if they have anything available.”

Tony had never heard of Dark Flight Airlines, but at this point, he didn’t really care, as long as they could get him back to Chicago in time to get at least a few hours of sleep before his appointment.

“Thank you,” Tony said, making sure the agent knew that now she was helping, he would make life much easier on her. She clicked away on her keyboard, staring intently at the monitor.

Tony looked around the nearly deserted airport. Tulsa never was very busy, but there were usually more people than this. Fifty feet down the counter, a couple of people were using the American Airlines self-serve kiosk and talking in low tones. A little further, a blue uniformed custodial type was easing a squeaky wheeled trashcan across the tile floor guiding it with the handle of a broom or mop sticking from the can. The trashcan was draped with a bright yellow canvas pouch holding an assortment of brushes, cleaning fluids, and discarded magazines.

The couple at the kiosk left, leaving the squeaky wheels and the clicking keyboard the only sounds to be heard. Tony felt an odd case of the creeps working its way in and pushed it back.

“Kind of quiet around here…” Tony looked at the tag that dangled from a red cord worn around the agent’s neck. “…isn’t it Anna?” He was trying to undo some of the shitty mood he had bestowed on her just moments ago, but the way she didn’t even acknowledge him, told Tony it wasn’t working.

“Okay, they do have availability. It’s a window seat. I assume that will be okay for you Mr. Pace?” The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable, but Tony knew he had that coming.

“Yes Anna, it is. Look, I’m sorry I got kind of nasty with you, it’s just that I’ve had a long day, and this meeting really means a lot to me. I appreciate you taking the time to get me on... Dark Airlines?”

“Dark Flight Airlines, Mr. Pace, and it was my pleasure to do so.” Anna handed the boarding pass to Tony. When he took the card, he inadvertently touched her hand. Her fingers were so cold Tony had to force himself from wincing. He looked up to see her smiling at him. There was something about that smile Tony didn’t like. It wasn’t just fake, it was knowing. Like when someone has one up on you, but telling you would spoil all the fun.

“The flight leaves from gate DF1, and you better hurry Mr. Pace, the plane has already boarded. I have a feeling they will wait for you, but you never know.” Her smile widened, which only enhanced the feeling she knew something he didn’t.

“DF1? I didn’t know Tulsa even had a DF concourse.” Maybe that was the joke. Maybe there wasn’t even a Dark Flight Airlines, and she was just getting shitty with him on a much higher level.

“It’s a small sub building off the main concourse so you will need to take a shuttle. Like I said, they only offer red-eye flights so they don’t really warrant one of the main gates.”

“How do I get to the shuttle?” If one even exists, Tony thought. I’ll probably end up outside the airport and get arrested by security before I even –

“Mr. Long will take you,” Anna said, glancing behind Tony.

Tony turned around. It was Mr. Long all right, Mr. Long, Dark and Ugly. Mr. Long stood easily over six foot four, and his black suit made him look more like an undertaker than an airline worker. He returned Tony’s stare standing with his hands clasped in front of him in a gesture you might see a chauffer take while waiting beside his car. The fluorescent lighting reflected off a mostly bald head rimmed with white hair. His deep set eyes were hidden in shadow, and a long hooked nose hung out over thin white lips.

“This way, Mr. Pace.” Mr. Long’s deep monotone voice broke the silence as he stretched out one pale hand. Either this was one very elaborate joke or there really was a Dark Flight Airlines, and he really was going to get to Chicago tonight. Tony turned back to try one more time to reconcile with Anna, but she was gone. He looked down the line of counters, and saw no one. Somewhere in another part of the terminal, he could just hear the squeak… squeak… squeak of the blue uniformed custodial guy's wheeled trashcan.

Tony bent down and picked up his overnight bag. “I guess she was in a hurry to-” but Mr. Long was already walking away, taking long slow steps, hands still clasped in front of him. His black polished shoes clacked on the hard tile floor. Tony followed him, this time not able to push back the creeps.

***

Midway down a long corridor, Mr. Long opened an unmarked metal door and stepped through. A few feet from the door, a set of steps led down to another door Tony assumed opened to the outside. There were about fifteen steps, which Mr. Long took as slow and deliberate as he walked. One bare bulb at the top of the steps and one at the bottom provided the only light. Strings of drifting cobwebs adorned the unpainted block walls where they met the ceiling.

Tony couldn't imagine this was the only way to the shuttle. Even if Dark Flights only offered red-eyes, there should still be enough people to constitute a real live entrance, and what about security? How do you just walk out on the tarmac without even going through a metal detector? Tony thought, hoped, it would be at the DF concourse, which would bring some welcomed normalcy to this whole thing. Tony smiled, realizing this was the first time he actually wanted to go through security. Taking a deep breath, he took the first step down.

“So how is security over at DF? Think they will hold me up much?” Tony’s voice sounded empty and dead in the narrow damp stairway. Mr. Long either didn’t hear him or didn’t care to respond because he just continued his slow step by step decent to the lower door. Tony couldn't believe he was actually following 'Lurch' to some unknown terminal of the Tulsa International Airport just to get a sales opportunity.

Of course, this sale would mean a whole new lifestyle. A lifestyle most people could never know, a lifestyle most have only dreamed about, a lifestyle worth dealing with a freakazoid airport guy and some obscure airline. Tony tried to drive these thoughts home as he descended the dark steps behind the strange tall man in the dark suit.

Mr. Long got to the bottom of the steps and pushed open the door. Tony was about eight steps behind, but could see the door did open onto the tarmac. Mr. Long, like the good host that he was, held the door while Tony came down the rest of the stairs and stepped through.

The shuttle, as it turned out, was a black Cadillac. The body style gave it a late 70’s look, but it was in excellent shape. Mr. Long, Dark, and Ugly let the door to the stairs swing shut with a bang, walked over to the car, and opened the back door for Tony. As he held the door, he stared straight ahead, never making eye contact and not saying a word.

The dome light in the car was dim, and deep shadows filled the backseat. To Tony, the open door didn’t look inviting. Instead it made him feel like he was being given a ride to the slaughterhouse, and he was the livestock. “Nice ride Mr. Long. Is it yours?” Tony walked over to the car and looked in.

“No. We should get moving Mr. Pace. You don’t have much time left.”

Tony looked at Mr. Long and thought he saw the faintest bit of a smile at the corner of his mouth, but if it was there, it disappeared as quickly as it formed. Yeah? What’s so funny, Mr. L.D. and U? You and Ms Anna pulling a good one on me? Tony wanted to yell this in Long’s face, but decided it would probably be better to keep it to himself and just go along with their little joke.

He tossed his bag in the backseat and slid in. Once inside, he winced. The inside of the car smelled like a combination of Old Spice and what? He wasn’t sure. Something that reminded him of his garden. Tilling? Maybe freshly turned dirt? Now that would be a first, Old Spice and dirt. Tony felt his stomach roll and thought for sure the weird ass smell was going to make him puke.

Mr. Long pushed the door closed, a little hard Tony thought, and walked around the front of the car. With the dome light out, the inside of the car was pitch black. Tony looked out the window and saw the surrounding area to be just as dark. The thought of an airport not lit up like a mall parking lot sent the first real thread of something like concern through Tony's veins. Mr. Long opened the driver’s door, sat down behind the wheel and started the car.

The engine was so quiet Tony wasn’t even sure it was running until they started moving. The main terminal with its comforting lit windows slipped away behind them like a silent movie as they rolled onto a tarmac as dark as a tomb.

He blindly ran his fingers along the armrest of the door searching for the window button. “Hey Mr. Long. How can I get a little air here? I can’t seem to find the button and-” The window slid open a couple of inches letting in the relatively pleasant smell of jet fuel and asphalt.

He leaned over to look into the rearview mirror. “Thanks Mr. Long. Not sure what it was, but it was just a little-” Tony felt his balls retreat into his body. There was no reflection of Mr. Long in the mirror.